Michael Pollan's
latest book How to Change Your Mind,
which I devoured in three days, has inspired me to share the story of my own
mushroom trip. Before you stop reading, if you happen to be a naysayer or wary
of any and all drug use, let me just say that psilocybin "magic"
mushrooms were legal where and when I consumed them (overseas, a number of
years ago) and I wasn't breaking any laws. I am nothing if not a rule follower
and a law-abiding citizen. I believe that Pollan's research, and the stories of
those of us who have had mushroom experiences, are important to share because
of the potential this drug has for healing and for healthy mind expansion.
"Doing mushrooms" is not, in fact, as Pollan underscores, frivolously
recreational. His book covers psilocybin and other forms of psychedelic-assisted
intervention for challenges including addiction, depression, and end-of-life
care.
Set and Setting
Pollan emphasizes
throughout his book the importance of set
(your mindset with regard to the experience you expect to have once under the
influence) and setting (the physical
location, people you are with, safeguards and risks of the situation throughout
your experience until the drug wears off). I don't remember too much about my
"set" although I remember saying to a friend that I had wanted to sit
at a desk during the trip because I thought I would want to write or draw, and
that I wanted to be listening to music while tripping. My friend and guide
(whom I will refer to simply as 'they' throughout this piece) suggested that I
might enjoy being outside, in nature, during the experience even if I was not
normally an outdoorsy person. Up to this point in life I was not, at all,
outdoorsy. They mentioned however that I would probably want to write or draw
something afterward, but that I should rest assured that I would remember
everything I needed to later on and therefore there was no need for me to take
notes or in any other way document the experience. Thus, I had a general
mindset that I was going to learn/experience something that I may or may not
want to express creatively later.
As for the
setting, I was in a hilly rural village near a lake on a bright July day in a
dry climate. Most importantly, I was in a safe place, with someone I trusted,
and I had assessed the risks, both internal and external, as well as the
requisite contingencies in case I decided part way through to discontinue the
trip. (Vitamin C will counteract the effects of psilocybin and I had two
bottles of orange juice in my day pack as an antidote, should I have needed
one.) I remember that it was very hot, even early in the morning when we set
out to find a good location in the woods. Although I have endured 99% humidity
throughout several summers in West Africa—where I served as a Peace Corps
Volunteer—and Washington, D.C., I am no fan of arid climates (and so you
should not expect to find me on the playa at Burning Man). The only anger,
discomfort, or negative emotions I experienced were when my friend and guide
tried to accompany me from our initial spot in the shade to a more private
location in the woods once we realized how close we were to people on the beach.
The beachgoers could not see or hear us, but we could see and hear them, which was
a bit of a buzzkill, literally.
I remember being
guided up the hill and into a relentless late morning sun and I pleaded to go
back to my cool spot under the tree. Before they agreed, I had been walked up
the hillside and found the sunlight and dry heat absolutely intolerable on the
climb—an ascent which, for all I know, lasted only a few minutes or less though
it seemed like a lifetime. Not only was the original shady spot preferable in
my heightened state, but on the temporary journey to find another spot I
remember feeling an acute obligation to acknowledge and apologize to each and
every plant stem over which I trod on my way up the hillside. It felt as if I
were massacring them by walking so fast over so many individual, holy objects
coming out of the ground, just doing their business to move toward the light.
Eventually, we went back to the first spot, and managed to successfully ignore
the distant frolicking sounds of the family on the beach—a soundtrack that
might be pleasant when sober but that, in its inherent earthly humanness, did
in fact dilute the psilocybin effects.
Back under the
cool, comfortable shade of the giant tree—a tree that I have since located
using Google Earth software (yes, seriously)—I settled in and found once again
that there was a comfortable cradle of brush to hold me. Although it was made
of sticks and roots and plant stems, nothing seemed painful or sticky or even uncomfortable.
And remember, I am not one to sit on the ground when another seating option is
available. I settled in and, perhaps because I am an auditory processor, the
sounds more than the visuals are what helped me back into a pleasurable trip
state. As Pollan writes, “Sound begat space.” Overhead a bird flew by and it
was like a physics lesson in every wing beat. The portion of the flight within
my view could not have lasted but a few seconds; nevertheless, I understood
more about sine waves in those few seconds than in a whole semester of tenth
grade trigonometry. Granted, having studied mathematics, I was probably
imagining the sounds as soundwaves. Still, this type of condensed tutorial
would put the Khan Academy to shame.
I examined all the
plants and insects around me and proclaimed more than once that I was “in the
terrarium.” I was trying to express something about having a new vantage point
from which to view bugs that was not only comfortable but fascinating. I went
on at length about the wonder of being “in there” with the insects and watching
them build things out of plant fragments and seeing clearly that each and every
bit of twig was a veritable set of construction materials and that I was
witnessing a massive building project low to the ground. I was all of a sudden
aware that there is a whole world of creation going on down there that I am too
high up (too tall) to encounter under normal circumstances. (I was able to simultaneously imagine the
vantage point of some creature to whom we are just as small, but just as
earnest and industrious in our endeavors.) And this was only what was going on
above ground on an infinitesimal patch of ground out here in this forgotten
village! Rather than being overwhelming, though, there seemed to be infinite
time for me to contemplate these ants, with zero resistance to time or people
or schedules or to the ants themselves. All of this I tried to articulate in an
enthusiastic stream of exposition and half-metaphors.
My friend
mentioned more than once during the trip that I may get more out of it if I
stopped talking so much. I am verbose, and my trip was no doubt a verbal river
of expoundings on the experience ("I'm in the terrarium!") and what I
thought it meant ("I totally get it now!!"). My memory is largely
auditory, though, and writing this now, many years on, I am glad that I said so
much aloud because it makes it easier for me to remember what was going on. I
did try to draw some pictures of it, and I wrote one song about it, but hearing
my own commentary in my memory helps me to reconstruct what the plants and
insects looked like: everything was geometric. It was as if I was given an
extra set of glasses (on top of my regular glasses) with which to examine the finer
details of every leaf and pine needle. Glasses that magnified not necessarily
in terms of size, but in terms of detail. By looking at a plant stem, I could
instantly synthesize how the geometry of the cylinder that formed the stem lent
itself to the very particular shades of green that reflected and refracted in
the light as I twirled the stem. This gave me the idea that the strawberries I
ate later (I had brought them for reinforcement but they were way more fun to
look at and touch than to eat) were geometric configurations and that the
placement of each seed on the flesh of each berry was 100% geometrically
determined. Mind you, the physical limitations of language and pixels make it
very difficult to express to you how instantaneously all of this "content"
configured in my brain during my mushroom trip. I've so far covered about the
first ten or so minutes.
Divine Knowledge?
Pollan read
numerous accounts of mushroom trips and identified dominant themes that, unlike
accounts of other types of drug use, were informational in nature, rather than
merely sensory. For example, many people emerging from being under the
influence of psilocybin will report having learned something while tripping
about love or the universe, or about time, space, nature and life forms. I,
too, had this kind of “noetic” experience of being exposed to specific
knowledge by some authoritative entity (although the “entity” cannot really be
confined to such a word because it was all-encompassing and expansive and
nothing like a human or even god-like “entity” as we would normally think of one).
It should be noted that my mushroom trip was years ago, before I read Pollan's
book, and in the intervening years I spoke with a number of friends who will
corroborate that the hallmark of the experience for me was the
"content" I acquired, which is the way I spoke about my mushroom trip
to distinguish it from even the highest of marijuana highs—experiences that I
described as having extreme sensory effects but during which I did not acquire
any new "knowledge" or understanding about the world. I had never, to
be sure, understood anything novel by smoking pot or learned something that
endured beyond the temporary high. Mushrooms were different. I instantly
acquired knowledge, or content, or information, or whatever you would like to
call it. Or at least I think I did. It was rather simple to acquire, and it revealed
itself rather soon after the psilocybin took effect. It has also endured, no
doubt reinforced each time I have explained and rearticulated my trip. It was
quite important to me to tell people about; I risked a few friendships with
people who I thought would judge me for using drugs because that's how
important it was to me to tell them about what I had learned.
So, what was it
precisely that I did learn? For starters, there was absolutely no distinction among
animal, vegetable and mineral. That distinction to me, while tripping, seemed
as silly and inconsequential as it might be for us to argue about what defines
and delimits "medium roast" from "dark roast" on our coffee
beans. Yeah, there's a difference, but imagine trying to explain this to
someone who doesn’t drink coffee and make it matter to them. Additionally, I
would say that I learned to “trust” the earth and the world in an unfettered
way, or at least that it is possible to do so; the feeling didn’t last, but I
can remember it. People often wonder if I had an overpowering feeling of love
or some such, and I wouldn't describe it quite that way, although I do identify
with those accounts and I believe they are a function of the "set"
mentioned above that determines to some extent your expectations of the
experience. Religious people may have a religiously-themed trip, and I did not,
but I am not a conventionally religious person. It wasn't, for me anyway,
"love" so much as beauty. Comfort as opposed to divine light. A total
lack of resistance or any looking backward or forward. It was a distinctly present sensation or idea that enveloped
me. I would describe it as boundless or infinite. I, being very
cognitively-oriented, wanted connections and I was able to see, and make, and
exclaim aloud, more connections in the space of an hour or two than I had for my
entire previous conscious years to date. Everything I had theretofore known
still existed, and was true, and made sense, but the new knowledge or
"content" I acquired was so vast as to defy description. The new
knowledge rendered my old knowledge very small indeed, but no less true or real
or significant. It was a matter of lenses—anything I focused on could become
deeply significant, but there were so many things to choose from and to focus
on, and rather than being overwhelming, this notion was comforting because I
also had the sense that there was infinite time available to contemplate any
pinecone or insect leg or strawberry seed that I chose and that doing so could
mindblowingly fill all of eternity for me if I wanted it to and that the
possibility of ever being bored again in life was erased indefinitely.
Unlike the
physical, sensory effects of cannabis, caffeine, and alcohol—the only other
drugs with which I have any experience—psilocybin conferred content (knowledge,
information) alongside the sensory effects. Admittedly, the sensory effects are
so extreme that perhaps what happens on mushrooms is that your prior knowledge
is enhanced so greatly in an instant that, for example, all of sixth grade
biology suddenly becomes clear by examining one plant stem, and in this way
people on mushroom trips think they have received some sacred knowledge from
beyond. I should emphasize here that there is nothing unsacred about
understanding biology, and I often experience moments of awe simply by watching
Nova and Nature on PBS each Wednesday night, albeit in a much more ordinary
setting than where my mushroom trip took place. While I did not suddenly become
outdoorsy after my psilocybin journey, the disposition that endures is that
nature is the greatest show on earth.